Can I go on vacation without my children?

all the mixed emotions and how-tos on traveling as adults without kids

I’m writing this from the ski lodge where we’ve stayed for the last four days as simply two married adults without our child. I’ve read, journaled, watched movies, skied until my legs feel like jello, soaked in the hot tub, sipped wine and local IPAs, and breathed a lot of fresh air.

Most importantly, I haven’t changed a dirty diaper since Monday.

As I write, I’m sipping on a dirty chai latte that I acquired from the fancy beverage room on the first floor of our inn. Any busy mom understands when I say this: my drink is hot. It’s amazing. I’m overlooking the snow-covered mountain (although, it’s a slushy spring version of the mountain) and letting my mind wander without the soundtrack of “Mama! Mama!” or tears or Paw Patrol. Instead, I hear the steady drip of the snow melting off the rooftops.

There’s a stone fire pit right outside our window, so the smoke billows up as I watch tired families waddle in their boots and snow gear to the wooden rocking chairs circling the fire. It’s a misty rainy day, so I’m spending our last half-day in the lodge writing while my husband skis his final runs of the season.

We’re staying at a very family-friendly ski resort in Vermont, so it’s given me a chance to observe how families with older kids pull off ski vacations. My husband and I visited with a family of 5 in the hot tub and gathered all the details: how do you afford it? Do you take the kids out of school? Are you guys having… fun? (Answers: free condo from a family friend, kids miss school to ski on a less crowded mountain mid-week, and they all love it so much that they close the mountain down! But it’s taken them 12 years to find a rhythm and grow more independent children who can properly enjoy a ski vacation.)

We’ve had many single nights off since my son was born a year-and-a-half ago, but this is our first trip away with both of us for this long. My parents are regular caretakers for our son, so I felt completely at ease leaving him in their care. I gave them the rundown, of course, but they really already know the ropes. I’m realizing more and more that this is a luxury, to have grandparents who can effortlessly slip in to care for our son so willingly and with little instruction. They stayed with him and our cats at our house, so for the most part, our household was unaware of the disruption in the schedule.

When you tell people you’re going on vacation without your children, there are two camps of responses:

1. WOW! Good for you! It’s so important for parents to go away and recharge without kids.

2. WOW! Really?! Who will watch your son? I can’t imagine leaving my kids for that long!

Me? I’m in the camp of taking an annual parents-only vacation. And I think all parents should, too!

I think we need to remember who we were before we had kids. Skiing was something we did together pre-kids, so it’s familiar to sit next to each other on the lifts and to tell each other jokes as we ride up the mountain. We know the rhythms of my husband studying the map and planning our runs to the next lift. We know I’m the one who needs regular snack breaks and will always be the first to call it a day.

Kathryn Barbash, PsyD

provided a refreshing approach to assessing parenting trends:

Now Trending in Parenting

When I think about trends of spending time away from your child, I think about the moms on social media posting extreme videos of “Save me! Get me out of here! These kids are nuts! I NEED a drink!”, and the other extreme of moms who are with their 27 children 24/7 and seem to never need a break because their kids are the *light of their lives and the air in their lungs.*

How can I use Kathryn’s approach to choose what feels right for me on this trend?

“What if we treated parenting trends similar to other trends, like shopping for a new outfit:

• Do I like this?

• What do I know about this brand? What is the quality of the product?

• Does it fit me and my needs?

• Does it work in my life?

• Can I afford it?

• Why do I want this?”

Let’s give this a try: I like vacationing without my child. Neither “brand” of the extreme examples above fit me — parenting exhausts me and I crave a break, but I also miss my son while I’m away from him. I don’t need to “escape,” but I also don’t feel the need to spend every waking moment with him.

Recharging with my husband has felt right for me, for us. We needed time to rest and connect. We spent money and vacation time to make it happen, and it’s a priority that I want us to continue to budget for in the future.

Of course, I’ve looked around at the families vacationing at the ski resort, tiny babies in ski boots and strollers, and I’ve felt guilt wash over me. Where is my son? How can I be here without him? Is he okay? Am I a good mom?

Yep. Allllll the feelings.

I’ve been quick to share with resort guests we’ve met around the fire or in the hot tub that we have a son. He’s at home with my parents! We’re here alone! I will say, we got a lot of exhausted parents who responded with, “Good for you!”

Why do I want this time away from my child? Because I need to recharge and rest and remember who I am apart from “Mama.” My husband and I needed time to catch our breath away from the daily grind without the added stress of coordinating toddler logistics. Time to just be us.

Time to board our flight home :) Tell me… do you go on vacations without your children? How long? Do you love it or hate it? What are tips for pulling it off? Let me know in the comments!